The Dip, Everlasting Hot Dog Recipe

Originally published by Two Thousand in 2014
Intro by Hayley Morgan

Haven’t you heard? Levins and Bianca have decided to shut up shop at The Dip. Saturday July 12 is their last night, which is sad but also a time for cool celebrations and the return of the best specials they’ve ever chalked up: the Watermelon and Bacon Burger, the Ribwich, and the Gangsta Boo. Next Tuesday July 1 they’re even laying out a Greatest Hits Banquet! There’ll be Pulled Pork Nachos, the Young Cheezy, the DFC, Mac & Cheese Balls, Deep Fried Pickles (aka a reason to live), Lev’s Dawg, Chili Fries and ice cream for dessert (we can’t tell if the Chili Fries and ice cream are two separate things, but wouldn’t be surprised if they aren’t). To celebrate the life of The Dip, Levins has shared the recipe for an everlasting hot dog. It’s poetry, man.

Ingredients

1 heaped tablespoon of Levins
1 jar of Bianca
0 grams restaurant experience
40,000 kosher frankfurts
40,000 hot dog buns
10,000 litres American mustard

Method

In a small Kings Cross nightclub, introduce the tablespoon of Levins to the jar of Bianca. Combine together until a relationship develops.

After 3 – 4 years, remove Levins and Bianca from Kings Cross and use their 0 grams of restaurant experience to open a restaurant inside a newly refurbed Small Club in Sydney’s CBD.

Take one kosher frankfurt and explain to a customer that while you use delicious kosher frankfurts for your hot dogs, you’re not actually Jewish. Try to hide the fact that you sometimes wrap the frankfurts in bacon from your kosher butcher.

Burn your hand repeatedly as you steam a hot dog bun in a dodgy dumpling steamer. Refuse to upgrade to a better quality steamer at any point in the future. Tell your permanently burnt fingers that a steamed bun is absolutely worth it, even though every idiot blogger complains about the buns being soggy, not crunchy like the hot dog buns at fucking Snag Stand.

Drown all your sorrows in American mustard.

Repeat steps 3 to 5 40,000 times. Be regarded as a hot dog king. Name the most popular hot dog on the menu after yourself. Have permanent mustard breath. Talk about hot dogs on national radio. Release a book about hot dogs. Talk about the book about hot dogs on international radio.

Become a hot dog. Begin to eat yourself. Regrow each bite infinitely. Be everlasting.


Speak Your Mind

*