MY INCREDIBLE EVENT BLURB FOR THE NEXT HALFWAY CROOKS PARTY WAS DEEMED “TOO REAL” BY ONE OF MY “BUSINESS ASSOCIATES” AND I WAS FORCED TO CENSOR MYSELF FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY FACEBOOK BLURB WRITING CAREER. MAYBE HE THOUGHT THE BABY BASH REFERENCE WOULD TURN PEOPLE AWAY AND “DAMAGE” OUR “BRAND”, I DUNNO. HERE IT IS FOR THE PUBLIC TO CHERISH AND PASS ON FOR GENERATIONS TO COME. WAS IT A TOTAL BRAND DAMAGER? I’LL LET THE FUTURE DECIDE.

Halfway Crooks is back like that herpes you got last year. That special herpes that played all those cool rap songs and made you dance so much that you almost forgot about how itchy you were. You bought all that topical ointment and applied it liberally on all your crevices and sure you looked a lot prettier without all that rash on your face but damn if you didn’t miss the good times you and your herpes used to have. You still flick through the pages of the scrapbook you kept while you and your herpes were together and struggle to hold back the tears. Yeah your friends didn’t approve of him but fuck your friends they don’t know the real you. You’re a party animal. A real maniac on the dancefloor. You might be doing well at your new job with only a few more months left of your masters degree but deep down all you can think of is your old mate herpes sprinting down your hallway, kicking the door in while holding a boombox over his head, blaring “Baby I’m Back” by Baby Bash featuring Akon. You always loved that song, especially the hook. You remember when everyone was mad at Akon for throwing a kid or something and how they overcame their hatred and learnt to accept Akon for who he was. You wonder if the world is ready for herpes again as he reaches for your laptop and clicks “attending” on this Halfway Crooks event. “See you there, herpes” you laugh. “I hope they play Niggas In Paris”.

This Saturday at Goodgod, my pal Braddy is playing records before me and then I get on and play whatever the fuck I want till the sun comes up for FREE.

Thanks to Bobby Gelato for making this amazing poster!